The first kiss

Don't you just love that first kiss? That perfect moment when the stars align and your lips touch ever so gently. For a lingering second, nothing else exists.

Yeah I'd love to experience once of those perfect first kisses too ... unfortunately, mine are usually a tad more awkward. And by a tad, I mean an uncomfortable silence normally followed by one person leaning in for the kiss as the other is turning to walk away and thus your first kiss lands on your ear and not your lips. Awesome. Love it. Let's do this again sometime.

Seriously though, how the hell does one go about the first kiss when online dating? Yes, the whole point of meeting the other person is to figure out whether or not you have chemistry. But isn't it a little weird to kiss someone you just met? (Of course, I'm talking about while sober. We all know making out with a complete stranger while intoxicated is completely legit and to be expected.) But if you don't kiss after the first date or first 2 or 3 dates, you either don't have any chemistry or you're just prolonging it for the sake of prolonging it because you both feel weird about making out with someone you just met (again ... referring to sober situations only here). Is there a legitimate reason for prolonging it, or should we just dive in and go for it on the first date?

These questions have all been coming to mind as a result of a recent conversation I had where various parties had differing opinions on when it's time to get physical with someone and what it means. Some people impose rules on themselves (No kissing until the second date! No sex until you know his mother's maiden name!), while others simply refuse to continue seeing someone after a certain point if the other party hasn't agreed to get physical. No doubt ... kissing, touching, and sex mean different things to different people, and definitely vary in terms of importance.

For some of us, knowing someone for a long time as a friend and finally making the leap into a romantic relationship, means you already have a solid foundation of trust and intimacy on so many levels. Jumping straight into bed really isn't that big of a stretch at all. For others amongst us, meeting a friend of a friend means he/she is trustworthy by association and thus ripe for the picking! Still some of us put off the physical until months have gone by and an emotional intimacy has been established. Others just want to get laid. End of story.

With such a wide, complicated spectrum of scenarios, trust, desire, and intentions ... how are two people ever supposed to know when it's the right time? That's just it ... there is no right time. And when it comes to online dating, you have absolutely no foundation of anything, no way of knowing if this person is really who they say they are, and no way of knowing what their intentions really are. Let's be honest, we all enjoy sex. But some of us want only sex and some of us want the whole package. And for some of us, it depends on the day! If you let your guard down and become physical with someone under the pretense of "this is going somewhere", and this in fact goes nowhere, you get burned. Sure, you can take that "Mr.TapDat is looking for a relationship" as fact, but Mr.TapDat might have other things in mind. Let me share a personal experience to prove my point.

A couple of months ago, I got a message from an older gentleman who was quite the looker and we messaged each other back and forth for a few hours. Finally, we decided to meet up the following Friday for drinks after work. A few hours later, I got a message from him that read as follows "Laura, you seem like great girl. I took a closer look at your profile and I can tell you aren't looking to hook up, you're looking for someone who is open to a relationship. I have to be honest ... my sole intention was to get you in bed. If you're up for that, game on! Otherwise, I wish you the best of luck!"

I was pretty flabbergasted upon reading that message. Nowhere on his profile did it indicate he was looking to hook up. To the contrary, it indicated he was "looking for a relationship". Now, in case you're wondering how it all ended ... I messaged him back and thanked him for being honest, but respectfully declined the drinks on Friday evening. His reply made me smile for the rest of the night! "No worries Laura! You are one sexy chick and if you ever change your mind ... you know where to find me ;) Happy fishing!" Ya gotta appreciate the honesty here folks ... his heart was in the right place, don't you think :p

So, how does this all tie back to the first kiss? Well, let me put it to you this way.

Kissing/sex after the first date with someone you know or with a friend of a friend is like going to your favorite restaurant and ordering a completely different meal than the usual. The setting is familiar, you're at ease, and you've had so many delicious meals here before that you know there is a good chance you're going to enjoy this new one. Don't get me wrong! There is a SLIGHT chance you will regret your decision and wish you had never experimented ... but in most cases, you walk away satisfied and end up coming back for another meal.

Kissing/sex after the first date with someone you met online is like ordering a dish in a grass hut in a foreign country where you can't read the menu and can't distinguish what it is you're eating when it arrives. It might be the most amazing meal you've ever had. It could change your life. You could move to this new country and spend the rest of your life eating this delicious food. Or, you could move on to the next shady, hole in the wall place and have another amazing meal, but still reminisce of that one great meal in that grass hut. Or, you could get food poisoning and curse the day you ever decided to venture into that god forsaken hut.

It's romantic Russian roulette my friends.

Until next time and happy fishing ;)