If you have a POF account already (or any account ... or one with every dating site in existence), you know how important that first tagline is. It's the first impression, the hook that reels in the man or woman of your dreams. Or the man or woman that you will probably spend an awkward 2 hours with later in the week.
Hugs4U : Willing to lie about how we met
LadiesMan4Ever : I put the seat down
Looking4MyPrince : I believe in unicorns, smart men and other fantasy creatures
HockeyFan83 : Looking for the one
TruBlu : Looking for a good time
Ok, so "willing to lie about how we met". Well, he's embarrassed about using an online dating service. I don't think any of us are exactly screaming it from the rooftops. "I USE PLENTY OF FISH AND I'M PROUD! POF POWER!" Not so much ...
What else does it tell me? He has a sense of humor. I love funny guys! He's willing to make fun of himself for joining an online dating service, which indicates he's probably a humble guy. Hugs4U would suggest he's affectionate ... yikes, I have a strict no PDA policy.
Can I really assume all of this based on one line of text? No. But I guess that's what the hobbies/interests, about me, and describe your perfect first date sections are for right?
Well, let's examine mine. My profile states my interests/hobbies as the following:
Wine, chocolate, popcorn, running, gym, sauna, americanos, italian coffee, french cuisine, guitar, movies, receipe books, people watching, magazines, history channel, Egypt, listening to the rain, suntanning on the beach, ecommerce.
Based on this list, one could presume I am mildly obsessed with food (ok ... well, that much is pretty accurate), that I watch TV and movies, that I spend a fair amount of time relaxing and that I like to buy stuff online. What does any of that say about who I am as a person? It's not even that accurate (except for that one bit about the food obsession ... that's uh ... pretty much bang on)! I do enjoy TV and movies, but I might watch one movie every two weeks and a TV show once every few days. I do enjoy relaxing on the beach, but I don't actually do it very often. When I'm not working (ie. my paid job), I'm usually writing a blog post, trying to promote the blog, etc., working out at the gym, running errands, actually running ... come to think of it ... I don't actually know the last time I relaxed on the beach. Why did I even put that there?????
How are we supposed to accurately capture and describe who we are as a human being on a profile page? Let's assume for a second that everyone is 100% honest in how they describe their appearance, personality, hobbies, goals, etc. Does that really mean anything to anyone? Describing the things you enjoy doing, describing how you spend the majority of your time doesn't actually reflect who you are as a person. And when it comes to online dating and relationships, aren't we looking for more than someone who spends the same amount of time reading and hiking each week as we do? I don't know about you guys, but I want someone who is able to go for a road trip with me, get lost and NOT get frustrated or angry, but is able to laugh at it and just enjoy where we are at that moment. I want someone who understands that when I call at 6pm to say I'm going to be late because there is a shitstorm at work, it's not because I would rather be at work than with him. It's because I'm a firm believer in stepping up to the plate and doing what needs to be done because I'm passionate about what I do, and I want it to be done right.
No matter how we much we write on that profile page, a large amount of it comes down to chemistry. You either click or you don't. So, is there a way to capture that essence in a profile to at least decrease the number of "I really wish I could choke on this piece of chicken to put me out my misery" dates? You tell me! Personally, I don't think so. I've read so many profiles and thought THAT'S the guy for me!
Attractive? Check.
Mentions his job in a favorable tone? Check
Seems to be independent and has his own thing going on? Check
Within 2 seconds of seeing him in person, I know right away there is absolutely zero attraction. So what is it that makes us click? Is it pheromones? Is it shoulder to waist to hips ratio?
All I know is when you know ... you know. You get that feeling in your stomach, that flush in your cheek, that urge to brush your hand against his as you walk by. Maybe there is no way of knowing if that connection is there unless you meet someone face to face. If that is the case, what purpose do dating sites serve? Well, they bring millions of people who are looking to find that same connection together in one place ... that's at least a start in the right direction, no?
Until next time and happy fishing ;)
Oh my woman u have me laughing here so much.. next to facebook, this is my new obsession. Well I have to agree with the POF taglines... but I think its different for me.. shag the tag line.. what does this chick look like.. however I do have to admit I must be physically attracted to him, but when u read the interest u kinda know if he is funny or just another shumuck looking for a one nighter and has a belt as round as the equator to put just a few more natches in. so my first time on POF was a tad bit of a traumatic experience. I was ready to move to another country..maybe turkey to hide out.. this fellow had our future all planed out.. he was in the same profession as I, was willing to move wherever I was going to work. Wrote me emails that would resemble a Thesis from someone who was writing their doctrine. Ok that was scary enough, but when he had called me and wanted to meet me, thats where this story took a turn for the worse. He is a 46 yr old man, who lives with his mother, has no car and needs me to pick him up at the bus stop.. delete delete delete.. It got to the point where I had to lie and say that I was in a relationship with another man... So I dodged that bullet, however good intentioned this man was, I tried to spare his feelings and lie.. what was I going to say to him. AWWWW I think ur a loser.. not my style.. so here I am still single and really tired of looking.. maybe I should stop looking.. hmm now there is an option.. all the best...
ReplyDeleteAh, the profile check:
ReplyDeleteMy list (in order):
1. Does the head shot look vaguely attractive?
2. Is she my height or shorter and is she in my city?
3. Does her job indicate she has some brains and discipline? (A "Student/Server" need not apply).
4. Look at all the pics and see what she looks like and what she's about.
5. Check out the rest of the profile and decide if I think she sounds cool or not.
It doesn't take much for me to hit the button. If she decides to reply then I can start working out just how interested I am.