In my last post, I introduced you to CareBearCountdown321, an online dating user who contacted me and asked me to assess and improve his dating profile. I talked about the Holy Trinity (Profile picture, username and tagline) and how these three small, but very important, pieces are instrumental in getting another user to click on your profile and learn more. 321 had a great profile picture which looked very natural, showcased his smile, and was close enough to still be clearly seen when shown as a thumbnail. His username and tagline, however, were another story! I made some creative suggestions, which he put to use in his profile over the weekend, and I'm happy to say he has seen some results!
Nailing down the Holy Trinity, however, is only the tip of the iceberg. In the online dating world, this is the lure that attracts the proverbial fish. Now it's time to reel it in! Reeling it in means you now need to convince the profile viewer that you are what they've been looking for and that you are at least worth a message, even if it means risking a little rejection. This can be tricky. You definitely want to see lots of messages in your inbox, but you want them to come from the right people. Remember, quantity does not equal quality.
In order to attract the right fishies, you need to craft ... THE PERFECT PROFILE. Imagine James Earl Jones reading that in his Darth Vader voice ... *scary breathing* THE PERFECT PROFILE *more scary breathing*. Most dating sites follow a similar profile format which consists of three core sections: photos, interests/hobbies, and "about me". You can use the three sections to convey your personality, your lifestyle, and your intent, which will help you attract the right people.
First things first, when it comes to photos, you should always have more than one. People want to see the different aspects of your personality in action. You've already got a good close up shot that shows off your face, but that doesn't necessarily show off your personality. What makes you tick? If you're passionate about your job like our dear friend 321, you should definitely include a shot or two of you at work. 321 has four shots of him that definitely showcase his marketing and media expertise, but the only other shot is of him getting out of a vehicle. Interesting choice. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice, flattering picture, but it doesn't say anything about him. It does mention in his profile that he enjoys cooking and photography, so why not prove it? A great shot of him whipping up a meal would have girls swooning in no time! The point here is that every individual has many sides and many things that make them tick. Exemplifying these different sides of your personality will not only make you interesting and multi-dimensional, it will also make it easier for others to relate and connect with you.
Now, some will say that a picture is worth a thousand words. If this were true, dating profiles would only require pictures and no words, which we all know isn't the case. Following the photo section is normally the hobbies or interests section. This usually consists of a simple list of hobbies, interests or leisure activities. A lot of people tend to skip over this section completely. Why? Because everyone writes the same things!
Music, food, hiking, reading, blah blah blah. Everyone likes those things. Why even bother writing it down? Oh my god you like music??!! So do I! I listen to it ALL the time! And you read? I've been reading since I was like 5! How weird is that?!
Avoid general and broad topics or words like the plague. Be specific! If you like music, list your favorite bands. If you play music, list which instrument you play. If you enjoy hiking, list when or where you enjoy it the most. "Hiking coastal trails on warm, sunny days." The more specific you are, the better your profile viewer will be able to relate to you. If they like the same band as you, that immediately gives them something concrete to message you with. "Hey, I really like Tom Petty as well! Did you check out his concert when he was in town? What's your favorite song?" Also, try to come up with a varied list. List your passions, hobbies, favorite books, or even subjects that fascinate you!
321 has some very broad terms that could be interpreted many different ways and most of them are work related. Design, technology, global issues, business, marketing ... this sounds like a class schedule from my university days, not someone's hobbies or interests. What is it about design and technology that interests him? What global issues in particular fascinate him? The most important thing here is that the majority of his interests are broad, work related terms which suggest he spends a significant amount of his time working or thinking about work. Granted, this might be true, but I have a feeling he has many other facets to his personality that he just hasn't showcased. He did however, mention "purple cows" as an interest, which brings me to another quick, but very important point. Do not list purple cows as an interest. What I mean by that is, do not list purple cows as an interest. Seriously though, there is no point in mentioning something that will only confuse your reader. You will do just that; confuse them.
The next section of your online dating profile, "about me", is the meaty section. This is where you get to throw in a little flair and some personal style. Although it will be the longest section of your profile, you should keep it relatively short and sweet. No one wants to read a 15 paragraph dating manifesto detailing all the ways in which you've been burned in the past or how you've had horrible luck with this online dating thing and are now giving it one more chance. Be positive and focus on providing examples of the interests/hobbies listed above, how you spend your time, and what you are looking for in a partner. This will usually require anywhere from four to six paragraphs.
Actions speak louder than words, and although you can't physically show someone how your love of design manifests itself in your life, you can describe it! 321 does an excellent job of clarifying his "design" interest with the following statement. " As a hobby, I read about 'design with a purpose' for third world countries such as home architecture, water filtration systems, the laptop per child program and many more. That kinda stuff fascinates me." This sentence gives insight into his beliefs, his world view, and how he spends his down time. Good stuff! Now if only he could explain the purple cows ...
Although the primary focus of this section is about you, there should be a small reference to what you are looking for in an ideal partner as well. There's no need to describe personality attributes or what type of hairstyle you prefer, but you should mention what type of relationship you are looking for and what you are hoping to gain from your partner. Are you looking for the one? Are you looking to just date and have some fun? Are you looking for someone that you can home to every night, or someone who maintains a separate life and spends a couple days a week with you?
The most important thing for all three sections is to be honest. There is no point in writing what you think will attract the most messages as this will only lead to disappointment further down the road. Show your true colors and tell it like it is. The people who value those specific qualities and whose goals in life match yours will automatically recognize that you are worth a try.
Until next time and happy fishing ;)
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