"Laura, you're looking good! How's Vancouver? Got a man yet or wha?"
BOOM! There it is ... right from the get go. Why are you still single? You're 25, you've got your shit together, and you're a fun girl. Why?!
For a long time, I didn't know how to answer that question, so I always said "I don't have time for a boyfriend!". Then, I came to realize that might actually be true. Meeting someone, getting to know someone and committing yourself to someone takes an incredible amount of time and energy. Between work, friends, exercising, running errands, cooking, cleaning and most recently, writing blog posts ... I just can't seem to find enough hours in the day to do all the things I need and want to do. I don't know if it's just me, or if most people these days find themselves in the same boat. But if you are single, do you leave meeting someone to chance or do you dedicate a portion of your hectic schedule to finding a life partner?
It depends on how important it is for you to find that life partner. From my own personal experience, the scale of desire for wanting a life partner is a vast one with many variables, but people usually tend to fall into one of three groups; duets, soloists, and rock bands.
On one hand, we have duets. Duets, when happily involved with another duet, are those adorable couples you just want to punch in the face. They talk about things like kitchen renovations and they finish each other's sentences with things like "Oh remember that time you talked to that guy ... " "Oh the car salesman who got us the deal on the Mazda and then ripped the dealership off of $10,000?" "Yeah, that guy!"
How the hell can you know what someone is talking about from "THAT time you talked to THAT guy?" Duets know ... I don't know how, but they know. And when duets are single, they live for finding that other person to finish their sentences. They just cannot fathom living a life that doesn't involve devoting it another person, because that's what makes them happy. Having that one person to rely on no matter what, and who knows you better and deeper than anyone else is essential to their being. These are the people who go from one relationship to another until they find the right one. Duets should not leave meeting someone to chance. They are prime candidates for online dating. Why leave something to chance when you could join a site that puts you in communication with thousands of other people who also crave that lifelong partnership and connection? It's a match made in (online) heaven!
On the other hand, we have soloists. We all have a few soloists in our lives. They are usually well traveled, well-connected people who always seem to be either coming home from their latest adventure or taking off on another. They tend to have something unbelievably cool happening in their life at all times and you oftentimes find yourself thinking "Wow ... I wish my life was that exciting." Soloists live and breathe for experiencing everything life has to offer, which means they are open to relationships, but are far from fixated on finding one. They don't ever think about why they are single as they are far too busy experiencing their single life! Forcing anything to happen in their life rather than just letting things happen naturally would be against their very nature. This a group of individuals who are much better off leaving it to chance. If they don't ever meet anyone, they'll be happy regardless so why take precious time away from everything life has to offer?
Finally, we have the rock bands. Rock bands are a blend of duets and soloists in some respects. These individuals are always surrounded by friends, family and people they genuinely care about. They don't operate one on one or on their own, they operate in groups and networks where they can bring other people together and watch the sparks fly. They crave connections and understanding, but also the excitement of the unknown. People just seem to gravitate towards their energy. The trouble with rock bands is that they want the best of both worlds. They do crave intimacy and comfort, but they want to maintain a sense of freedom and independence. You could argue that it should be easy for this type to find a partner what with all the networking and new people that must pass through their circle of friends, but it isn't quite so.
Remember in The Lord of the Rings when Bilbo says "like butter spread over too much bread"? (Yes, I'm comparing dating to hobbit references in Lord of the Rings ... deal with it.) Rock bands, when single, are often like butter spread over too much bread. They spread themselves out over all their different social circles until there is nothing left. Finding that special someone gives them an anchor and provides them with the perfect balance that often eludes them. Obviously, this can happen on it's own, but in today's fast-paced and busy world, the already crazy life of rock bands can make it very difficult. A little help from an online dating site can force these individuals to focus on one person at a time instead of skimming over all the people who pass through their lives on a daily basis.
Can you guess which of these three groups I fall into? You'd be correct if you guessed rock band ... to the core. My life is so full and so busy, I sometimes wonder where I even get the time to think about finding someone to share it with. But I do want someone to share it with! I want to be able to come home to someone and tell them about all the crazy and wonderful things that happened in my day. Here's the catch ... you can't go from single straight to intimate, loving relationship. You have to put the work and effort in up front. You have to get to know someone and be willing to focus on that one individual. Online dating has definitely helped me in that respect ... only problem is right now I can't seem to find the time to even check my POF messages! What's a busy, working girl to do? You tell me.
Until next time and happy fishing ;)
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